Surround Yourself with Positive People
“I don’t have any positive critiques for this story. Sorry, (fake smile) but this is unoriginal and the writing is just bad.”
Those are the words of a former writing classmate that plays over and over in my head. Unfortunately, she was not alone and I had many more voices floating around in my head (my ex-boyfriend’s, an agent’s, my friends’) that detested either my writing or the notion of being a writer. Even the words of my parents — writing is a hobby and only a hobby — haunted me. I heard negative words while I dreamed and even more when I woke up. They were there the most when I tried to transfer the story in my head to a blank sheet of paper. I heard them so often that I started questioning if I could really be a writer. Some days I wondered, “Why bother?”
Luckily, I was able to answer the last question: Because I love it.
However, there are times when we need a bit more than love to finish our projects. Those negative voices in my head increased my self-doubt and, for a while, crippled my writing. I have several people whose positive voices replaced the negative ones:
- My best friend who has been my #1 fan since seventh grade.
- My boyfriend who shares my stories with others because he believes in me.
- Book-in-a-Week which has helped me get words out on a sheet of paper without regard of what other’s might think.
- My writing group: NO MAPs. A writing friend from one of my former writing classes formed this group with the purpose of us motivating one another to finish our stories, providing critiques to one another, and ALWAYS keeping the scale tipping towards the positive.
As writers, we will come across many people that have something negative to say about our writing: agents, publishers, magazines, editors, other writers, family etc. It is vital for a writer to have a support group – a group of people that strongly believe in the writer and the writing. Between the years 2006 and 2008 I came up with ideas for nearly fifty short stories but only wrote three. Once my support group started speaking, voices saying, “We enjoyed this story,” drowned out the ones claiming it was horrible. Since 2008, I have finished drafts for three novels and I average a short story a month. It is not because I have more ideas; it is because I hear positive voices in my head chanting over and over again, “You can do this.”
Keeping positive people in your life is vital to providing internal and external balance.
This article first appeared on the Book-in-a-Week website 05/25/2013.
Sakinah Hofler is a great emerging writer and an inspirational force. I credit her kindness and intelligence for boosting my writing spirits during the Winter of 2012, when I was just starting out. Her future is bright!
Sakinah practices what she preaches. In clear constructive language she offers nuanced readings, thoughtful tweaks and warm support for many fellow writers (including fortunate me). The writing sun will shine brighter with Sakinah in Florida!
Sakinah, I love how open and honest you are in sharing what many writers hide. I remember sharing the opening paragraph of a short story I was working on when I was in my 20s with my father. When he asked how long it took to write, I told him 4 hours. (Even then, I felt the need to create a compelling hook.) His response was that I wouldn’t make any money writing if it took me that long. While he was right, they weren’t the encouraging words I wanted to hear. I put that story in a drawer and never looked at it again. Now many years later after having made my living with words (advertising, marketing, PR, etc.), I’ve turned back to the short story art form that I fell in love with. Thanks to you and others in the NoMAP Writers Group and the Writers Studio I am encouraged to take advantage of this second chance. Wishing you continued success!
Thanks for your reflection, Sakinah. I often feel that I should just give up on my writing because I’m not getting enough positive reinforcement. Fortuntately there’s always something inside of me that keeps pushing out and I get back to my writing. BIW is one place that I can come to for the encouragement to keep on writing. – Greta
I really dug this Sakinah, your a writer of great vision and passion and I looking forward to see your art continue to bloom.